Dear PM,
I don't know how much you pay your "gardening" contractors to service Jurassic Towers, but whatever their fee, it's too much. I genuinely have not seen such a bunch of ignorant muppets in quite some time, and I teach BTEC Level 1 courses.
Firstly, there's the frequency with which they visit. It's probably not sufficient to drop by for an hour and a half every two months to keep this garden looking good. Hell, not even good - serviceable and not looking like a good spot for fly-tipping would be a start.
The dock plants were in full flower and up to waist height. I was concerned that Basement and Ceiling Cats would get lost in there. In fact, it looked like the Serengeti, without the benefit of grazing ungulates to keep the vegetation down.
I'm not a fan of grass - I don't like to see a preened monoculture. I'd love to have a wildflower meadow for next-door's son and his cousins to play in. The clover was starting to look nice. But you need to make a decision with this sort of thing. Either you're going to have a lawn, which you need to keep relatively well trimmed, or you're going to have a wildflower meadow, which you shouldn't mow down to an inch high every two months. If you want a monoculture, then mowing regularly will actually help with this, as you'll be trimming off the flowers of the other plants before they can set seed. A gardener would know this.
Also, what's with the mowing? I have a washing line up on the lawn, with a fully portable post to hold up the line in the middle. Most normal non-morons can move a pole such as this, but your rent-an-idiot decided to mow around it. Then he strimmed around it. This is why I offered to take on the maintenance of the entire garden in return for a lawnmower and a small discount on the rent. Because I could do a much better job. I'd even give you stripes - I mow damn fine stripes in a lawn.
In my brief foray into gardening, the most basic jobs we did were to mow, weed and blow. These cretins have barely managed to mow properly (the lawn looks like Hubster's chin when he's let his beard grow for a while and he's just hacked it back with his clippers before shaving). The extent of their weeding consisted of removing all my summer bulbs (what the fcuk is it with these people?!) while leaving the dandelions, groundsel and feverfew to grow big and strong). And there has been no tidying up, use of blower, etc. In fact, having trimmed some of the hedge, they left the clippings all over the pavement, which makes us look like bad neighbours.
In short, this is pretty much why your client, my landlord, is in such dire financial straits. Because both of you show absolutely no indication that you understand what value-for-money is. He bought an absolute white elephant when he bought Jurassic Towers, and now he can't bring himself to inject any funds into it to make it habitable. You, in the meantime, are paying some of the worst gardeners I have seen, to not maintain the garden. You're throwing our rent money down the drain, and it's not fair.
Oh, and they knocked over two of my plant pots while mowing. A good gardener can turn a petrol mower on a sixpence. If this continues, I shall be lining the gravelled area with a row of Agave ferox, to focus their attention on using the lawnmower more precisely.
Kind regards, etc.
I don't know how much you pay your "gardening" contractors to service Jurassic Towers, but whatever their fee, it's too much. I genuinely have not seen such a bunch of ignorant muppets in quite some time, and I teach BTEC Level 1 courses.
Firstly, there's the frequency with which they visit. It's probably not sufficient to drop by for an hour and a half every two months to keep this garden looking good. Hell, not even good - serviceable and not looking like a good spot for fly-tipping would be a start.
The dock plants were in full flower and up to waist height. I was concerned that Basement and Ceiling Cats would get lost in there. In fact, it looked like the Serengeti, without the benefit of grazing ungulates to keep the vegetation down.
I'm not a fan of grass - I don't like to see a preened monoculture. I'd love to have a wildflower meadow for next-door's son and his cousins to play in. The clover was starting to look nice. But you need to make a decision with this sort of thing. Either you're going to have a lawn, which you need to keep relatively well trimmed, or you're going to have a wildflower meadow, which you shouldn't mow down to an inch high every two months. If you want a monoculture, then mowing regularly will actually help with this, as you'll be trimming off the flowers of the other plants before they can set seed. A gardener would know this.
Also, what's with the mowing? I have a washing line up on the lawn, with a fully portable post to hold up the line in the middle. Most normal non-morons can move a pole such as this, but your rent-an-idiot decided to mow around it. Then he strimmed around it. This is why I offered to take on the maintenance of the entire garden in return for a lawnmower and a small discount on the rent. Because I could do a much better job. I'd even give you stripes - I mow damn fine stripes in a lawn.
In my brief foray into gardening, the most basic jobs we did were to mow, weed and blow. These cretins have barely managed to mow properly (the lawn looks like Hubster's chin when he's let his beard grow for a while and he's just hacked it back with his clippers before shaving). The extent of their weeding consisted of removing all my summer bulbs (what the fcuk is it with these people?!) while leaving the dandelions, groundsel and feverfew to grow big and strong). And there has been no tidying up, use of blower, etc. In fact, having trimmed some of the hedge, they left the clippings all over the pavement, which makes us look like bad neighbours.
In short, this is pretty much why your client, my landlord, is in such dire financial straits. Because both of you show absolutely no indication that you understand what value-for-money is. He bought an absolute white elephant when he bought Jurassic Towers, and now he can't bring himself to inject any funds into it to make it habitable. You, in the meantime, are paying some of the worst gardeners I have seen, to not maintain the garden. You're throwing our rent money down the drain, and it's not fair.
Oh, and they knocked over two of my plant pots while mowing. A good gardener can turn a petrol mower on a sixpence. If this continues, I shall be lining the gravelled area with a row of Agave ferox, to focus their attention on using the lawnmower more precisely.
Kind regards, etc.
